Auntie's Magical Bloomers
by slytherpuff-girlz
Summary: What the director KINDLY cut out... Please R/R, terms and conditions apply!


Hello Jo, are you going to the rodeo?

…Maybe

Auntie's Magical Bloomers

A/N: A TV show in the UK is called "Auntie's Big/Christmas/Sporting etc. Bloomers _(depending on the subject), _which is practically just loads of outtakes from TV shows. So… this is Auntie's _Magical _Bloomers, need we say more…

_(Privet Drive, night, beginning of film)_

**Dumbledore: **And how is he, Hagrid?

**Hagrid: **The little tyke fell over Bristol.

**McGonagall: **Don't you mean _fell asleep _Hagrid?

**Hagrid: **Nope, I mean _fell_. 

**Dumbledore: **Ah…

*** 

_(Privet Drive, night, beginning of film.)_

_Dumbledore extinguishes all the lights in the road, so it is completely dark. He turns, trips on the curb of the pavement, and falls over, just as Hagrid lands on his bike, killing him._

**Hagrid: **I shouldn't have done that…

**McGonagall: **_(Transforming into a human from a cat) _I _knew _he shouldn't have trusted Hagrid with his life!

*** 

**Take 1:**

(Girl's bathroom, Harry, Ron and Hermione have just knocked out the cave troll.) McGonagall and Quirrell run in and stop. Snape follows them, but doesn't stop and goes flying through the window. 

**Snape: **Ow… 

**DIRECTOR: **CUT!!!!!!!

**_Take 2:_**

(Girl's bathroom, Harry, Ron and Hermione have just knocked out the cave troll.) McGonagall and Quirrell run in and stop. Snape follows them, but doesn't stop and goes flying through the window. 

**Snape: **Ow… 

**DIRECTOR: **We may need to think of an alternate way of doing this scene…  oh, are you alright, Severus?

**_Take 3:_**

(Girl's bathroom, Harry, Ron and Hermione have just knocked out the cave troll. The windows are now boarded up.)

**DIRECTOR: **Okay, and… action!

McGonagall and Quirrell run in and stop. Snape follows them, goes crashing through the boards over the windows, and goes flying through them. ***THUD*******

**DIRECTOR: **Okay, does anyone know any good rebound charms?

**Take 4:**

(Girl's bathroom, Harry, Ron and Hermione have just knocked out the cave troll. The windows are no longer boarded up.)

McGonagall and Quirrell run in and stop. Snape follows them and doesn't stop. He goes straight into the windows, hits them and goes flying backwards, out the girl's bathroom, down the staircase, coming to a rest in the entrance hall. 

**Sprout: **Still filming the troll take, are we Severus?

**Take 58472:**

(I think you know the setting by now… something to do with a bathroom and a troll… oh, we've forgotten as well!)

McGonagall and Quirrell run in and stop. Snape follows them and doesn't stop. He goes straight into the windows, hits them and goes flying backwards, out the girl's bathroom, down the staircase, bounces off the bottom stair and hits the ceiling, bounces down again and into the great hall. After bouncing around there for a bit, he flies out into the entrance hall again, and outside. He flies into the whomping willow, which knocks him into the forbidden forest. He bounces off a tree, and goes straight back into the whomping willow again, which knocks him through the window of the girl's bathroom, where he finally lands, standing where he was supposed to have stopped the first time, all those 58472 shots ago. 

**Snape: **We'll use this take then, shall we?

*** 

**Take 1:**

(Snape's dungeon classroom. (A/N: Not that we like picking on one particular person here or anything…) First potions lesson.)

Snape comes thundering in, trips on the step and falls flat on his face.

The whole class starts laughing.

**Take 2:**

(Snape's dungeon classroom. First potions lesson.)

Snape comes thundering in, trips on the step and falls flat on his face.

**Blaise Zabini (random Slytherin): **Enjoy your trip, sir?

**Snape: **Grrrr…

**Take 3:**

(Snape's dungeon classroom. First potions lesson.)

Snape comes thundering in, trips on the step and falls flat on his face.

**Blaise Zabini: **Enjoy your…

**Snape: **Don't even think about it…

*** 

(Gringotts, vault 713 (The Philosopher's Stone vault))

The goblin opens the door to the vault. Harry and Hagrid find it empty.

**Hagrid: **Darn, Quirrell beat me to it!

*** 

(Giant chess set on the way to the Philospher's Stone.)

_Harry and Hermione win the game. Harry is standing in front of the King, who drops his sword. It lands on Harry's head, killing him (to put it bluntly). _

**Hermione: **Now who's going to defeat Snape?

**Ron: **_(Suddenly waking up from being knocked unconscious) _We're doomed! We're all doomed! _(Falls unconscious again… wakes up again.) _Hang on one cotton picking second… isn't it Quirrell and Voldemort we're supposed to be defeating.

**Hermione: **_(whispering to Ron) _We don't know that yet… and anyway, you're supposed to say "You-Know-Who"!

**Ron: **Oh, right… sorry… _(falls unconscious again)_


End file.
